I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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