; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize