dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize
