Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
