I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
