I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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