Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
