Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I understand Curling. That high.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
