All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
