I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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