I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
