For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
