If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
