Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
