they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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