dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
