Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
We're too hungover to prance.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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