I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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