why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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