"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
