Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
