my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
