I cockslap morals
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Randomize