i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Randomize
