so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
