One girl and one boy is just not enough.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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