I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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