Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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