This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
