I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
