Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
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