new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
