You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
