Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
