walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
