need another drink. this is the easiest way
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
