Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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