he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
