Christians are straight up FREAKS
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
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