Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
