I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
