I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
