tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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