Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
