i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
