i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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