Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
