I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
