Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
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