Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
