your parents love me but you hate me
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
