hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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