I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
