It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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