He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
