I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
