You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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