That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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