just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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