i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
