I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
