got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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