Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
