I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
