I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
There are leaves in my underwear?
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