How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
You work out of a Hotel?
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
