At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
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