I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
