why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
