he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
